drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
happy early fathers day!!!
im not a father
about that...
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
just had a flashback of you pouring champagne into my mouth from someones balcony..
there are ass prints on the hood of my car.
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
can you blow me for old times sake
only for old times sake
I dont care if your mom convinced you it should be an abstinent christmas. I did horribly on finals and i'm out of booze, so you will get over her and FUCK. ME. NOW.
The dorm caught on fire so it turned into a 5am pool party
I snapchatted his face mid sex. Needless to say, I don't think I'll ever see him again.
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
Hey it's Males-You-Probably-Wish-You-Hadnt-Had-Sex-With Monday. MYPWYHHSWM
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