One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
I was talking to this girl who was in love with the air force. I was doing decently until I mentioned that the navy actually has more planes. Cockblocked by my knowledge of random trivia again.
when i'm drunk i think im just gonna point at him and yell adultery is a sinnnn. youre going to helllll
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
There needs to be waaaay more alcohol in my apartment if I am going to survive being unemployed
Just realized how many men I've had sex with for the first time in St. Patty's Day past. Currently sending "HAPPY SEXIVERSARY" texts...
you inspire me to be a worse person
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
no, throwing your underwear at it is not the solution to everything
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
Double dirt bag award winner tonight. He picked me up in his wife's car.
Wait what do you mean I BOUGHT A FUCKING HORSE LAST NIGHT?!?!
Disclaimer- Don’t worry about my wounded nip. I put a bandaid on it.
Randomize
