38 yer olds are good kisserssss
So my grandma sent me a doily for my birthday - don't ask why, I don't know. Anyways I put my bong on it, I think it actually classed up the joint.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
so last night my mother drunkenly told me that maybe the reason why I want to be a vet was because I was conceived doggy style.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
They're making him take his shirt off cause they think he's the bouncer. We're in his backyard.
He put himself in the friend zone by calling me dude all night so I blew his friend. Judge me.
It was the best of bangs; it was the worst of bangs.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
I tried to pay my tab and go home but she wrote me a "list of things I'm good at" with fellatio as no 1...
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I imagine you as a cat holding your burrito with two paws and cutely eating it
dude me and this dog are gonna go bond oon the tramplene with stromboli... i think everyone is staring at me... being this high is SO stressful
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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