u on campus? she just peed the bed i need to go
I really like you and I'm tired of just hooking up. I want you be my boyfriend.
Uhh, I'm not breaking up with my girlfriend to be with you.
she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
Somewhere out there, someone is getting laid. And then theres me, watching Star Trek porn while my roommate plays World of Warcraft next door
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
Wearing the 'Let's Party' thong feels weird without you...
Tip: never mention Guy Fieri during sex
I'm at the fucking ritz Carlton and I would leave here to cuddle with her. Not even fuck, just cuddle. What th hell is wrong with me?
I think it's called love, bro
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