i just bought a vibrator and the cashier says "have fun with that." i didnt realise what he said so i responded "you too." and then he gave me his number...
You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
Someone obviously heard us on their way to class. They stopped at my door and started singing afternoon delight.
i wanted to tell my neighbors to shut up it was 4am, but listening to her rag on him for his minute man routine was actually entertaining
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I'm not embarrassed about the lap dance. I'm embarrassed for the singing during.
I am VERY upset that you called my fiesta a waste of time.
who has not yet felt my sugrcially enhanced boobs. HurryI am at the bnar and it is 1:15 am
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
The highlight of the night was definitely when you starting telling ppl you could shapeshift and "proved" that by stripping.
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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