She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
well I think it'll pretty much be gone by Saturday. On a scale of 1- Snooki's unborn child how much do periods freak you out?
We were debating whether you had hooked up with him. I was right for the record.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Had a turkey baster with clean pee in it in my pants to pass a drug test, and the bottom fell off, so yeah I'm pretty pissed.
Lets think Pancakes and sausages into existence
That's not fair! You can't come over after you just had sex and rub my dry spell in my face!
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
is that a sigh of girlish delight, or "sigh...I'm having a herpes outbreak'
Can't it be both?
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
I'm definitely single now but she stole my mailbox
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
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