Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
So when's a good time this week to show up at your apartment in nothing but a trench coat and a bow? Y'know. Hypothetically.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
I can't believe you cupped pat's balls to prove your fake relationship
It's 2017. Get with the program. Also remind me never to get margaritas with you ever on Cinco de Mayo.
Wait, like drink with real Phil. Or Phil, the cat that sometimes lived in your closet in Myrtle Beach?
But the real reason your aunt is drunk crying is because she has already had four margs and went for a 5th and someone is trying to stop her
Randomize
