are you still at the devil's house?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
Apparently unused tampons can also double as things to bite down on during public sex to prevent screaming...
Bombed my 8 a.m. exam and the liquor store doesn't open till noon. Drinking unfinished beers from last night till they open.
He was so good, that I'm pretty sure he fucked his religion into me. P.S. I'm Jewish now.
I sent him a bunch of texts telling him that his beard wasn't long enough yet so we couldn't fuck and to text me back in a few hours if it had.
Id fuck him but only at his house and he had to stay im bed till i left. He only works upper body. It just creeps me out how tiny his legs are
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
That last one reminds me of the time we smoked that foot-long joint and by the time we'd finished we were so stoned we applauded it.
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Literally.... Guy kissing himself in mirror in this hotel elevator
You can only use the "she handcuffed me naked to your bed, i couldn't do anything, sorry bro" excuse once.
You have a tempurpedic. you only have you to blame.
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