Saw some pubes in our toilet, hope the new look works out tonight.
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
Well i then put my mattress in my closet and am currently on it. This is a new one.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Christ, I really took the slutcake last night.
Wait. Someome brought slutcake?
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
He filled four shots of Everclear and walked around saying "FREE VODKA SHOTS". he is to blame.
It seems that only way I've actually improved myself after 2 years of writing for the school newspaper is that I've mastered the art of descriptive words to improve my sexting skills
I have a LOT of reasons to worry about radical feminists taking my lady balls, frankly. A lot.
you got in a fight with your imaginary friend last night when he didn't catch you after a surprise trust fall
Like pizza and mermaids make up about 1/3 of my thoughts on the weekends.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
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