I wish I could have two rating systems on iTunes. "This one is a 5 star. This one is only a 5 star when I'm baked."
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
So hungover. They actually hid easter eggs around me.
You can't be mad because the taco bell people like me and not you. I'm not the one that puked in front of them.
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
I remember caressing his hands asking him if he moisturized, then i proceeded to put his hands on my face
sober me is the one who makes bad decisions every boyfriend I've ever had I met sober
OK, but next time I'd like to be present for our make-up sex.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Like every two minutes he would pull out and whipser "don't you do it, you bastard" while looking at his penis. His new name in my phone is 'penis whisperer'
If you left your bike out in front, I just watched some dude steal it.
I just called my kid butt plug. Does that make me a bad mommy??
This may be the most diplomatic thing you've ever said
Gov of Georgia is going to allow massage therapists to return to work.
Gives a new meaning to 'Happy Endings'.
Randomize
