A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
My boyfriend cheated on me...what do I do?! :( JK IM BREAKIN UP WIT DAT
just chased whiskey with a pickle. i definitely recommend it
im sitting in my room wearing my power rangers shirt watching a movie about a magical dragon. Ive totally forgotten what having a sex life is like.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Idk if you remember me telling you about him, but I gave him a hj under the stars. Kind of added a little disney aspect to the whole experience.
could you please explain to me why my jumper cables are on my bedroom floor?
Some girl just walked passed me, said "fuck yeah!" and is now crawling up the stairs
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You just kept screaming "PLEASE YELL CORNDOG AT HIM. PLEASE. CORNDOG."
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I just threw up a strange neon green substance. Did I eat a glow stick last night?
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
You said you're gonna end your night with a six pack and awful erotica
Randomize
