covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
the guy i hooked up with is asleep on our couch. please dont fuck him.
I just found a bottle of gin in my vegetable crisper. Party is back on.
i left the icescrapper in his bathroom. i dont remember taking it there, but i remember brushing his hair with it.
Anne I just took two ambiens. I think my body is melting into my blow up bed. Like a stick of butter just slowly melting. And I'm alright. Don't be afraid. I'll be alright.
Apparently it's illegal to hit pedestrians with coke cans... But the cop complimented my arm. That's a win in my book.
I would agree. Whose business is it if I like to guzzle vodka by the liter on my of time? Answer: mine.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
i tried to propose to him with my nipple ring but i couldnt figure out how to take it out
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
Not to play devil's advocate, but, considering how our species has evolved so far... I'm kinda rooting for the sun on the whole heat death thing.
He managed to rip my nipple last night....
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
I'm going to go ahead and refrain from sexting you in an airport that is currently at a "level orange" security threat.
Randomize
