I just foul balled at work. I had taken off my coat too… had to go to the sink wash my hands then go back to the stall and pick up my coat. I hope the guy shitting in the stall next to me didn’t figure out what happened.
i woke up with a shattered plate next to my head.
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
basically at this point ill snort whatever you put in front of me and just hope
Iranian Rapper, camaroonian basketball player, mexican i forget and indian doctor....this one looks the best on paper.
He showed up in a dinosaur costume bearing a tray of cupcakes. He even let me hold his tail. I'm marrying this guy.
I dont think ive ever had a drunk day betray me so hard before
She made this little rubber cap thing that looks like a brain to go on my dick. She calls it a "penis cap". Industrial design students are weird...
No seriously you guys are gonna get arrested
Do me a favor I want you to reach down the front of your pants and underwear and just feel around for a while... if you happen to find your balls then join us
Kick open the door, strike a pose, steal a boyfriend, end scene.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
How do you know i dont look like i got attacked by a weedwacker on bath salts?
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
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