I just found 22 drunken videos and 4 naked pictures on my phone. We'll start the bidding at $5
The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
i have a food baby... i think its a boy...
That's it, I refuse to live in a world where sparkly vampires beat Batman at anything.
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
the cop didnt laugh with me when he patted me down and pulled out my flask.
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
I just got my hands on some dry ice. How do you feel about coming home to a mystical wizard toilet?
Because I'm sitting in a bath of my own wisdom and drowning my sorrows in coconut rum
I was just thinking about all the dick I could catch while I am home. But then I realized I am too lazy to get out of my pjs and leave my cat.
And then she proceeded to tell us that blowing your brother made her feel like part of the family. At this point you were still pretending to be a cat. Need I give another reason she can't live with us?
I just made my dating life into my own game show. would you like to meet the contestants? (photos not included)
Your parents are gone and we haven't fucked in their bed... why?
Randomize
