Alli causes anal leakage. You can find someone to like you if you are fat but no one will like you if you poop yourself.
Checked out the free sonogram van on campus and got a free DVD of my sweet food baby.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
3 months til "no sober october" start prepping now. i cant have you bitch out on me halfway through like last year.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
Dude I reek of $2.50 pitchers, $1 off/pack marlboro cigs, and fear.
Fear?
FEAR.
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
Oh ya, I forgot to tell you, last night I woke up to the sound of you peeing on the floor next to the fridge, didn't remember until now. Have fun at Dayton!
Serio, who the fuck falls down coming offstage wearing nothing but pasties, a g-string, and a fake moustache, and now suddenly needs a tetanus shot. Me. That's who.
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
Blacked out and Irish exited last night. At dinner. On a Sunday.
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Just stalked the girl I hooked up with last night's boyfriend. He seems nice, I approve.
You know he wants it bad when he starts going door to door for condoms.
Randomize
