Yes give me all the cream and he's gone
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
You know who really doesn't like surpise in-your-face air guitar solos? Strangers.
Things found in my vomit last night: cell phone, Von Hayes rookie card, a boot, my dignity
She refered to her bed as the "cockpit"....I understand that this morning.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
ill give you the fast version. Hooked up with 17 year old coworker while housestting for my boss
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
I'm wearing green eyeshadow so even if I end up totally naked I still won't get pinched.
So that 100 days of sobriety thing I told you about last week? Lasted all of 4 days. Fuck it, life's too short
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Just banged your ex. So it really is 'him, not you' in that he's gay. Rodeo champion gay.
We fucked on the roof... like that has to mean something
At a bar in the city and the whole place starting singing “Happy Birthday” to someone. Everyone but me. The person next to me leaned over and said, “Why didn’t you sing along?!?” I responded, “I don’t know him. I don’t give a shit if he has a happy birthday.”
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