i'm signing you up for texting rehab
I dont get it-she has sex with me but wont be my facebook friend?
i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
Balls are like the throw pillows of the penis
Dude turns out her best friend is lesbian...there is no wingman for this situation
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
If I weren't her cousin I'd take advantage of her and this low point in her life.
Hickey on my chest, threw out my elbow and now walking out my shame.
Youre getting too old for this
I am the worst sexter. i actually told him .. if i had a penis, it would be hard right now. BTW thats a turn off.
captain cockblock got me again last night so i put a squirrel in his room and jamed the door shut
Fun fact: drinking me now steals weaponry
Well I'm about 60% wine, 30% pure rage and 10% tears at the moment and I'm disappointed in how little alcohol is in me
I'm filtering his penis picture so I can see it better
So i stood up out of the sunroof while he gave me oral. Car was still moving. Exactly how illegal is that?
Also apparently I made a "cake sandwich"--yeah smashed a massive piece of cake between two slices of bread....fucking tequila
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