Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
They're taking me to ER. Mistasnkingly. Come get me.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
Ack! That is the first dick pic I've ever received. A) congrats B) that is way grosser than I ever thought t would be.
I went to the obgyn with chipped nail polish.. Somewhere Beyonce was looking down, shaking her head, whispering "Not fierce."
Lets both be adults and never talk about last night again.
I'm trying to get fucked by 4 girls here, and you're worried about verb tenses?!
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
You know your night is done when the police confiscate your bra at high school basketball game
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Are we at that point yet where I can just say "I want you to sit on my face"? If not, want to go out for "drinks"?
Omg no hes gotta go down on me. Then itll be like my vagina has kissed the stanley cup.
What are you, a fucking toaster ?
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