when the police officer said he was gonna take a picture of the car accident, you asked if you should pose on the hood
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
He's sobering up. It was really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together.
I asked her politely not to touch my dick
The next time you try to drunkenly strip me in public let's make sure it's not anywhere near the daiquiri factory or a group of police officers.
I desperately wanted to wear your shirt.
On duty sugar tits. A Marine never abandons his post to take nudi pics.
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
She apologized again the next day. I said it was pee under the bridge
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
it's ok, no one ever died fom being sticky.
i've gotta research that and get back to you.
I just want to nap and funnel a bottle of wine in a cute dress
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
She played the piano. I played the piano. She got on top of the piano. I got on top of her.
You know how fear has a smell? Well turns out shame has a smell too. It's Pina colada flavored anal grease.
Randomize
