i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
we are both sitting on my bed desperately refreshing the order tracking page for dominos.
Was rudely woken up by strangers at 4:15am. I was leaning against the stoplight at 9th
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
Please tell me that chemistry equipment is for chemistry and not for producing felonies.
I'm not going to say what I did. You're smart enough to figure it out. But I did it. And you owe me 20$
i love how you just walk into that dealer's house every time without knocking, yet you don't even know his name
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
...I just added shower water to my vodka on ice\n#sendhelp
sober me doesnt really want him anymore, but when drunk me takes over, she might want him, and god only knows the shit that might happen with drunk me.
I woke up and couldn't find her. She had somehow managed to get into the closet and lock herself in. She was crying for her boyfriend. Thirsty Thursday at its finest
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
Randomize
