Just remembered I told my boss that matt used to make me toss his salad like every time we hooked up. Nice
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I feel like someone was just looking at my memory and took out an eraser and was like "nope he doesnt need that"
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Oh my god. I slept with my boyfriend last night. It was wonderful.
And when I say my boyfriend I mean my electric blanket. Because that's the kind of life I lead.
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
I apologize in advance for the number of sex toys drying on the bathroom sink.
I feel awful. The bartender added me on Facebook and there's chips all over the bathroom floor
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
was having sex but got distracted... he instragramed a pic of his crotch
Randomize
