I am so gay it hurts my loins. Going to see She's Just Not That Into You... again. Ohhh my goodness.
I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
I feel like I'm back in highscool trying to hide my erections at work
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I was trying to be really smart and save 10 dollars for each cab there and back. ...so I ripped a $20 dollar bill in half.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
Moment of the day: as we leave the restaurant, she reaches into my pocket, pulls out her panties, and angrily marches to her car. I felt like a sketchy magician.
Shitshow foam night was such a success
Until you can top getting paid to have women tell you to check out their ass, my job will remain better than yours
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
I'm sorry I lead life with my vagina.
Man I gotta stop stashing shit when I'm high. I just spent 2 hours searching for my bag of pot and eventually found it in fucking a bandaid box.
Randomize
