sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
You were hopping up and down because you wanted only his strongest sperms to make it to the egg.
Darwin at his finest.
Just got off the phone with poison control. They're more concerned about our alcohol intake than that the beer bong was last cleaned with pine sol.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
gay flight attendant. racoons. kegels. bartender with missing teeth. too many birthdays. fucckk.
youre just mad because i have donuts and im beautiful
Last thing i remember is pounding jager and puking in that nerds george foreman grill. Then i wake up this morning with some random tooth brush in my mouth
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
It's a goat... but where the fuck did it come from?
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
So. Um. Hypothetically speaking...how would one get a squirrel out of the house?
Randomize
