____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
You think the Elephant Man ever tried to pick up chicks claiming all his appendages were elephant-sized?
if you don't let us come over today i'm not taking the second plan b pill. your call.
You stood in front of a yellow Camaro and kept yelling at it to "Transform already!!!!".. yeah, I'd say you were pretty wasted.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
my dentist asked me why my tooth was chipped, i told him i couldn't remember. i think he understands.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Aaaaaaand, there's the title of my second book. "One Dick. Six Angles."
Well thank god i want six autographed copies
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
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