saw "Pah-jure" lube. Thought of you. Wearing the same clothes to work tomorrow.
I stayed in, ate a pint of Hagen daas and watched a movie about aids. Soooooooo single.
Define "chronic" masturbator.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
we did rock-paper-scissors to see who would find out if you had alcohol poisoning
I'm pretty sure I had my drunk fortune told by a gay Miss Cleo last night. At least it's advice sober me can agree with.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
About to be a 4Loko vomit fountain in 45 seconds, what color will it be? Animated birds will fly out of me.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I literally just force feed a guy flintstone vitamins after sex
I think your husband is breaking up with me...
Hey you're my best friend, I'm sorry I picked my vagina over my heart last night.
I need a job that does not involve working with people who wear animal costumes when they get fucked.
He stopped mid sex to say he was sorry that he couldn't make us work.continued. Stopped again to ask if it was crazy that he loved me.
That is not what no strings attached sex is about.
Randomize
