i met a boy and i'm in lovvvvveeeeeeee and we're going to vegas and getting marrrrrriiiieeeeedddddd!
let's be honest with each other here, that's about the worst idea you've ever had. you need to walk this one off.
I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
Just turned my microbiology homework into a drinking game. The words are getting blurry but I think we're really bonding.
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Also I walked home in over mitts \nLet's take a minute to really laugh about that
I dont think I should be allowed to pick my own boyfriends anymore
I told you in the isle if you get the one that vibrates that I masturbating with it. Your fault.
Bullshit. You owe me a toothbrush.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
The one time I decide to bring people over you are laying naked on the coffee table watching the ceiling fan cause "it just moves so fast" I'm guessing you got paid today??
i realized my signature handshake has now become a hookup. i love what college has done to me.
Randomize
