I think the only thing that impresses me are nice penises...and Jesus. Jesus would impress me. Especially if he walked on water again.
I didnt expect it either. But she was there and I had a boner, so i made it happen.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
I hate that the only Italian aspect of me is I get red and sweaty when I drink
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
Day 3 of Lent and I would already kill a puppy if God would give me permission to masturbate
i watched you ride a mechanical penis. nothing is awkward between us anymore.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
We went rollerblading down high street singing "Free Falling"in ketchup and mustard costumes. A car full of guys drove by and yelled out their window "Need a hot dog with that?!" Naturally, we woke up at their apartment.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I feel like I lost a fight with an 800 lb gorilla made of tequila
Oh god I just had an orgasim riding my bike. I need to get laid pronto.
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