highlight of my day: just saw a crying girl get dropped off at home wearing only socks, booty shorts, and a dirty wifebeeter. I wonder what happened to the costume...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
please dont ever try to drink horizontally again. I thought I was going to have to give you cpr
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
This morning I got out of bed 4 HOURS LATE, made eggs with a plastic beach shovel, and then ate them using pens like chopsticks in my bed with my turtle. Obviously, I am not in the mood to be proactive with my life today...
He said that he doesn't like skittles. This relationship is over an it hasn't even started yet.
If I die, sorry about rent.
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
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