I wish i was in the wii world.
she's bipolar. she literally has TWO facebook pages. one for each personality. this. bitch. is. crazy.
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
I AM SUCH A BETTER PERSON ON DRUGS
the mexican frat downstairs started singing this mariachi song, then out of nowhere some dude busts out a trumpet and plays along. is this even real?
"willing to pay anyone fun whos willing to hang out and laugh at my jokes while my friends are MIA" is this to desperate?
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
ps. i have two very important words to sum up my night
which are?
library sex.
we're having rib night followed by a cultural enlightenment party
whats a cultural enlightenment party
we eat nachos and drink margaritas and tequila till we pass out
I knew I wanted to marry her when we got in that bar fight and she full-nelsoned a guy while I worked his kidneys. I knew then we had to breed
I wish people could trade lives with me for a day so they could see how much better my life is compared to theirs
At what point did i decide poptarts, nyquil, and whiskey was a good idea?
Randomize
