yeah but it's new years. they should arrest people for being sober that day.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
Woke up with a chicken parm sandwich in my clutch. Aaaand I'm eating it.
why would you automatically assume i'm high...
you just told me you're eating the powder of a lemonade mix.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Mostly because I hate my job and a have a photogenic penis.
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
He called from a stranger phone to say. He was a t a liquior store and there was a long line they have no condoms. This is the guy i was gonna go on a date with
Atleast he is letting you know he will be late
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I feel like my vagina was punched by chuck Norris, a Brazilian chuck Norris.
I showed him my machete and then we made out in the kitchen
Pretty sure I just got the ok to have a one night stand in Maui...from mom. I'd say that's a win in my book.
theres a canoe in our lawn. we dont own a canoe.
it was the only safe place
My vagina likes him more than I do, but I’m going to follow her lead and see what happens
Randomize
