Is it just me or do I always seem to have cum in my bellybutton?
it always starts out as a suggestion then three hours later I have cum in my eye.
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
And you just kept trying to fit through the dog door and not drop Jello shots.
I found his backpack for the weekend. All it had was ping pong balls, mardi gras beads, and Tums.
Do you think if you have sex with a girl twin, her twin brother feels it to? Woke up at her house and they both have a look of disappointment on their faces.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
Just watched my roommate stuff a sandwich in his pocket because we're out of paper plates.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
Driving you two to the party with a keg belted into the back seat has given me a brief glimpse of parenthood. I am now more resolved than ever to never breed, so thanks for that.
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
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