ok, I understand that your bathroom door is broken, but at least close the blinds next time you take a shit. The entire parking garage just watched you.
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I'm gonna let my dick speak for itself from now on. Seriously, it's always recruiting for me even after 6 hours of drinking.
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
I don't understand or I understand perfect - if were not talking about fried chicken I'm not sure what's happening.
You sprinted into the side of a parked car
For a pair of gay men you destroy a lot of vagina.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
Next think I knew I was pretty much using his penis as a microphone... No more playing Eminem during hookups
My roommate is downstairs drunk, smoking, and listening to a self help DVD. Please dear God don't let this be the Ghost of Christmas Future.
she's always on high-alert for lesbians
i woke up on the floor in front of the fireplace and my last google search was "fuck sponges"
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