Do you think Capital One would let me put the Tub Girl picture on my Capital One card?
Beat you to it.
this homeless guy just told me to make a wish on his magic plastic spoon but said to be careful what i wish for...
seriously i just wanna be friends
pass
My mom just called and reminded me not to throw up in any cabs tonight. Happy St. Patty's Day.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
we've been doin it since '07. it's like married sex now, were both comfortable so neither of us really tries anymore, we just do it because it's convenient
Okay Im going to go have some sex apparently. I hope this chick is prepared the zero effort Im going to put into it.
She just passive-aggressively stripped in the kitchen while humming the theme to Doug.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
Only you could walk of shame to a childrens pirate themed birthday party
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
No dude, he just dipped his cigarette info ranch dressing and lit it. He's said he normally doesn't do that but it's Memorial Day.
SO AWKS THEY ARE HAVING A COUPLE FIGHT AND I JUST WANT PIZZA
You have got to be the only man who has passed out while getting a lap dance.
I 100% barfed while bumping the DMX remix of reading rainbow
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