The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
if I could send you my dick right now I would. that's how good of a friend I am.
The fact that she put a frat guy in check tells me I did some good raising my little sister. Time to see if she does keg stands.
Just saw pictures of a pregnant teen from my hometown with an American flag wrapped around her naked body posted on FB without irony. These are my roots.
Touche. Dude, I fastened garters. Drunk. I deserve a medal from a drag queen.
I think he just caught a duck in mid flight
It's like hey here is one penis enjoy nothing but that for the rest of your life
you walked onto the street in the middle of the 10K in your thong. it was a whole new kind of expirience.
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
All I know, is I had green sex and beer and got driven home. That's it.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Holy shit he’s stupid hot! If you don’t hurry up and make a move my ovaries are going to march over there and introduce themselves
Randomize
