rhymes with "ouble enetration"
that girl looks like she smells like hot dog water...
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
he was like the dessert in the all you can eat man buffet that has become my life.
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
We're about to go to a party titled 'Night of 1000 Jello Shots".
Just for future questioning, I didnt break up with you over text
How do I know I'm high? Let me count the ways.
1. I put the milk in the cupboard, 2. Everything tastes fucking amazing, 3. My dog is really soft, 4. The lunesta butterfly flew out of my tv and touched me
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
After I came she just held my balls until I fell asleep. It was like adult swaddling. Magical...
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
So I wake up to my ex girlfriends underwear hanging from the ceiling fan and the only thing i can think of is "what time is the game"
Randomize
