Note to self. Condoms are not microwavable.
the not having weed thing wouldnt be nearly as tragic if it wasnt the one holiday where they launch bright flaming things into the air
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
on a related note, did you know that the fire alarm in our apartment talks?
She's doing shots in her underwear, a fur hat and mittens. I'm never coming home.
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
Yeah. I realized I have a weakness for drugs and I need to move somewhere where I don't know how to find them.
Until then we have the self affirmation from retweets and nights alone with pizza..
Is it inception if it feels like another uterus is going to burst out of my current uterus?
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
So we'll go out later for condoms and cake batter... aka grocery shopping for champions.
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