im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
i'm duct taped to my bed with a condom in my hand. something went wrong
Somebodaw call 311 postw fire bunso on vietena floorwnkd
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
i mean, not my actual scene but if someone says "PARTY" ill figure it out
There was a half eaten cheeseburger on my coffee table. Guess I made it to McDonald's.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
Is it frowned upon to puke at Keeneland while you're betting on horses or is it just whatev
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
I'm fucking blazing boy. 5hr weed sauce kicked in and my entire face feels like an 8ball of gold bond flying down a mountain of Fresh powder. Just gliding.
At least life still wants to fuck me.
Well I'm sorry I assumed you were a human and that humans have the capability to forget sometimes.
I would ride that face into the sunset
Not having a reliable dick in is getting expensive. I’ve had to replace 3 vibrators since Mike and I split up
Randomize
