he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
I told her I had to go to work this morning, got fully dressed in a suit, walked her out, drove around the block, parked, and walked right back in my apt and went back to sleep..
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
Taking a shot for every status related to the patriots losing. Hello hospital.
we took turns throwing up in the kitchen sink last night...no i am not doing the dishes
Woke up and went out for a cigarette and it was dead quiet. It was like the world just knew how many mistakes were made last night.
maddie and i have invented a community puke bowl. explanation later
Went to my car this morning. Found a waffle from Waffle House in the front seat. No idea how it got there. So hung over I ate it.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Atty had lunch with DA and confirmed I am not the target of the investigation. No word on anything else
Drunk puking in my bathtub has plugged it up for the third time this year. I hate these calls to my landlord.
I have random bruises including my spine and visible bite marks on my neck. Thanksgiving car sex accomplished.
At least be KIND OF sobering up before you text me, I've told you before I don't speak vodka unless I've been drinking it with you.
PS WHY wasn't I drinking it with you? Dick.
I'm sitting at my kitchen table alone dressed as a dinosaur smoking bowls in the dark. Is this rock bottom? Or is this living the dream? Who's to say
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
Randomize
