I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
I just won Halloween Walk of Shame Bingo!
Can you call him, he said something about going to the balcony to pee and now hes texting me saying hes lost
i don't care how ready and willing she is. she is where penises go to die
You played "let it burn" by usher 28 times, knocked over the 36 gallon fish tank, and passed out in the kitchen. Yeah...That drunk.
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
I couldn't tell if they ere dancing or fucking but they won the costume contest
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
My mom just made me promise her that i'll care about the next guy I sleep with
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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