At least with the last gf I made it clear that I wanted to breakup when I pissed on her floor @ 3am as her roommate watched in contempt
it took me 2 minutes to realize that it wasn't HER hand on my penis. First, and worst threesome ever..
Dude how the fuck are we gonna get the lawnmower outta the pool?
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
I didnt realize we were having a competition in poor decision making skills
how else could I explain the last few years
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm so hungover all I can do is stare at my curser and hope it starts moving on its own
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
It was like a square peg in a round hole... I've never seen one shaped like a stick of butter...
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
I think snapchat is trying to tell you something. It's saying your boobs were meant to be seen by his family.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
You just kept mumbling about the carpet being covered in stains that looked like the face of God. Until you decided that they were closer in relation to Dumbledore.
While I was giving him head he told me he had to go door to door the next day and "spread the word of Jesus Christ" I felt like a Disney villain out to steal his virtue.
Randomize
