I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
i just pissed myself at work. maybe they'll buy the old coffee spill trick
white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
I wake up every morning and wish that I didn't have to wear a bra
He practically bottle-fed me Jameson, like I was a baby chimpanzee on those nature specials.
If everything I've heard is true, then she's lost her virginity three times
the head trauma was worth the blowjob.
Still had my bottle opener ring on. Started to give him a hand job. LOL
announcing that you were the mayor of bjtown got their attention.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
