Def slept AT the bar last night, wow that's a first!
No. I broke it. Note to self, never take a shower with your phone in your pocket.
if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
he ate out my asshole, i really don't think he gets embarrassed easily.
Im at the hospital with monitors on and a giant green top hat. i blew a 24somethin. Im fucked.
Come find me please? Im in a ditch.
That doesn't help me much...
I'm right under the moon!
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
the lady at the gas station just thanked me for wearing clothes this time... i am so confused
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
No. I'm too high for this. I gotta focus my mind for my future Hooter's interview
I told her my hands were paint brushes and her vagina was my canvas
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
I left my Bacardi and dignity in your freezer. Will come get it later.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
