is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
But don't worry I didn't actually get stitches, although according to the health center I probably should have
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
Februarys looking very promising in the vaginal department
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Complete and utter failure. 100% unsalvageable. I have not failed so hard at a culinary endeavor in YEARS. MY HONOR IS IMPUGNED I HAVE SHAMED MY HOUSE
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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