you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
Dude, it's gettin so bad even my fantasies just wanna be friends.
I wonder who the first pervert was, and if he would be proud of me for advancing his art form by so much
mom asked me why i'm never sober at family events, i told her i learned it from her.
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
That was the apt with beer in the juice and the floor caving in. Don't go.
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
Fuck you, dude, I'm not sharing my weed anymore if you're going for the Panthers.
just licked whipped cream off some model's nipple... just coming clean for when the pic gets on instagram because i am not untagging that shit
You were telling everyone in the bar that Jess gave you scurvy.
Randomize
