the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
she was licking his armpits.
asian porn is just fucking weird. End of story.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I was going through my paperwork and I found the lifetime warranty card for my 14" dildo. I saved it. You know, just in case.
It's like the last supper of drinking before the summer ends
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
Yeah. He can't come because his mom found the pizza box under his bed with my underwear in it. He acted confused, guess because i forgot to tell him..
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Missing part of a tooth cos I tried to open a beer with my teeth, just saw a dude that looked like bill Cosby though so things are looking up
I have got to stop taking so many uppers and downers simultaneously. My life is a Dali painting.
I think we've reached the point in the summer were we need to go back to school. I was so bored yesterday I nearly bought blow dart gun.
Literally told everyone you're my idol cause you ate a chicken nugget off a sword
dude, there is no doorman in your lobby and the front door is locked
oh yeah, sorry he's up here at the party. coming now
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