Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
Between the two of us weve fucked every guy at this table
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
She needs to learn she only fits into our friendship as a DD.
GOING OUT OF BUSINESS: we're having a foreclosure party tonight...We'll also be raffling off a washer/dryer, microwave and a white tiger head.
Confidence margaritas not a good idea. Just said foreskin in my presentation instead of foresight.
If he thought that flying across an ocean to visit me in London constituted sex, he thought wrong.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
We had sex during an intermission, then the second period. The bruins better win. Missing a period isn't worth having sex with him
What if everything solid was made of oreos and everything liquid was wine
I just got chills
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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