he pushed my hair back because he said it made me look like kelly kapowski and he told me to call him zach
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
Chillin with my Grandpa and my grandma tells us there is a tornado warning. My grandpa then says "We'll go hang out in the basement, we can bring the keg with us." This is why I love coming home
I love waking up with his head head between my legs, it makes me feel special
Fuck men. I'm going to go eat a package of cookie dough and get fat. I hope I die of salmonella.
I think all I remember saying is, "I love Chris Berman's voice" and then I passed out
You should offer shots at parent teacher conferences..I bet more ppl come
and you stopped teaching...why?
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
Next time you're baked eat baked beans and potato chips together. Like dip them in the beans. It's so good
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
No matter how long you've been away, there's nothing quite like pooping at your parents' house
I love when my neighbors have passionate, loud sex to remind me that I'm not getting laid
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
Saw a thong on the yellow lines of the street when I left this morning, are they yours by any chance?
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