I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
I am in the hospital with a broken wrist because a guy told me that if I punched him it "wouldn't hurt." it hurt. me. Thank you 11 jello shots.
Gonna post on craigs list missed connections - "I was that really drunk bitch that threw up in your car. I'd like to pay for detailing"
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
You're not invited to the wedding. They don't want you starting a "who's fucked the bride the most" contest.
She fucked me for a ride to the airport. If this is what the rest of college is like, I'm never graduating.
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
Ask him to BK for an ice cream cone and do him in the car. That counts as a date
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
I was cock-blocked by a swat team last night.
To potentially get me laid, I need you to send me your favorite memes.
Randomize
