Do you ever look at a vegetable and think "that would be awesome to shove up my vagina"?
i just threw up repeatedly on the entire entire walk down A1A to the pizza place....then on the way back slipped and fell in it
How do you get eyebrow wax out of your butthole region?
The fact that you aren't ashamed to ask that is the reason I will give you the answer. Under the sink there is a bottle of wax remover. Throw my waxing kit away as well.
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
I peed on his girlfriend's loofah during our post-sex shower.
The paramedics came back to shotgun beers with us.
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
He kicked in the door just as I climbed on top of him...and stood there. I felt like I was in a porn. It was invigorating.
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
My early Valentine's Day one night stand just took an uber home. Thank you, technology, for letting me enjoy this day in peace. 😍
Well just saw that professor I hooked up with on campus and I look like a dumpster baby
I was actually kind of excited. I mean, how many people can say they've been question by the CIA?
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
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