I just got asked by a man in the alley if i would like to buy 50 dollars of meat for 20 bucks. Its been a weird day.
This row in front of you is like duck, duck, goose - but eating disorder, eating disorder, failed eating disorder
Sometimes I kiss girls just to make them shut up.
The only person who has seen my penis more than that girl, is that girl's sister.
i almost set my kitchen on fire last night. homecoming week is getting the best of me
Land Before Time marathon. we drink every time littlefoot almost eats a treestar.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
I asked you if you needed a ride and you kept saying "no, my name is katelyn"
I should start prefacing bondage with girls saying "I know you've read 50 Shades, but there is a 33% you're gonna freakout and go home, while I jerk it alone"
I just want to pat him on the head, bake him some cookies, and reassure him that, someday, he will get laid.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
Yo I get this girl alone in my room last night but she bounces cus she thought the full house poster was "weird"
I lose my morals, my dignity, and my selfie stick :(
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I just got a handjob in the back of an Uber while a large German dude and a Midwestern fuck-boi sang along in falsetto to the Bohemian Rhapsody.
Randomize
