My right nipple has been called many things but never a ghost pig
Life is so much better after having sex.
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
I may still return these pants. Depends how much they smell like alcohol by tmrw morning. I've already spilled once.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
He told me he's not in to anal. I need to marry him, ASAP.
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
I just want to steal his innocence through his penis. I really do.
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
The video of him doing the dougie made me telling him I didn't want a relationship, just his virginity so much easier.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
Idk if I should be worried or amused that my autocorrect changes the word STD to DTF.
Just got invited to a tree party by some random chicks. They're literally just sitting up in a tree with a handle of rum and a box of goldfish crackers and yelled at me as I was walking by...
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
