I just paid $5 for a shot of el toro and the bartender wasn't even hot. Rock bottom.
I just jerked off and used a stopwatch to track my results. Pretty depressing on multiple fronts.
Of course he got arrested. He was wearing a toga. Even Tom Hanks couldn't act sober in a toga.
I suppose drinking a cosmo at lunch alone can't look good but I mean... sometimes it's just necessary
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Snuck into a camper in someone's yard. Hotboxing. Can't wait until they go in it.
Bible prof is the guy I made out with at the gay bar on the fourth. He doesn't remember.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
They called it unicorn pee, and i thought that was interesting so i drank it. Please don't let me drink strangers booze again.
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
In the middle of blowing him I looked at him and said "Your so old..." and then continued. I need to stop drinking.
The fake number she gave me was for Pappa John's. Now I have a large pepperoni on the way.
Just because you have put things in my vagina does not mean you know me
Randomize
