I used to have a blog that was basically all about ****** and all of his sexual misadventures
I mean it made tucker max look like a fucking alterboy
But unfortunatley his mom did a google search and found it
So.. my mom just told me she hasn't gotten laid in 7 years... I'm really disturbed.. at the same time... At least now I know why shes so damn cranky all the damn time
Please don't tell me you're asking me to have sex with your mother.
They should really pass out barf bags in church
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
After the sixth shot I started to slur my pauses.
he must have thought the song was "ejacuate on the dance floor"
Just found a picture of me licking the bouncers ear last night
weekly advice from mom, "Drink vodka, it las hess calories"
I'm sitting on the floor singing Bruno mars while they cook and occasionally pet me
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
YOU BROUGHT HANDCUFFS TO THE WHITE ELEPHANT EXCHANGE AND DIDN'T TELL ME???
On my way to return shoes I bought so that I can afford to buy a pregnancy test. Is this adulthood?
he rolled over in the morning and told me happy valentines day. i don't even know his first name.
I was the only one in group sessions to bring up sex as a stress reliever. Some of those people were awfully judgy despite the fact we were all in a psych ward.
My party ended early and I have a mountain of shrimp and weed
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